Wait for me!!!
Maya bounced up the stairs at the humber cinema last night, chasing her friends. I’ve seen this a couple of times in the last two weeks. What a joy!
Yes, you can see a little awkwardness in the way she climbs the stairs. Her arm flairs up with each step as if the stairs a little too high for her. She is slower than her friends. But Maya is bubbling over with joy. If you didn’t know, perhaps you would not even notice. It is only Indira and I who notice these little things. Wonder of all wonders!
It’s hard to believe what we are seeing. Is this even real?
When we got home in June, we were over-filled with joy. The fact that Maya could even walk a few steps or that Maya had to crawl up the stairs was enough. It was more than enough. She was just thrilled to be home. We were thrilled to have her home. The dull aches in our heart seeing our daughter crawling up the stairs were quickly squashed with the knowledge that she was home; we were all home. That gave us hope. The grizzlie affairs are all but a memory. Not a distant memory, but nevertheless a memory.
Now, Maya is climbing up the stairs like it was almost nothing. When I look at the odds of her being with us still, I can’t comprehend it all. The odds were wrong? Maya had 100% chance of survival? What does this mean? Why Maya? Why us? Surviver’s guilt? It means, we give thanks each day, for this day, for this experience, for this … grizzlie, and horrific and… beautiful life.
The fallouts are many. The issues are never ending, it seems. But I have yet to hear a more beautiful sound than Maya (and Taylor) belly laughing. And we have that. We remind ourselves that when we have that in our lives, it is OK.
We just put Halloween behind us. Indira took it upon herself to invite many of Maya’s friends from the neighborhood and from school for a Halloween party before the trick or treat. I thought she took on too much, as we also had to work. But somehow, it worked out just fine. There were too many children with their children in our house. But everything worked out. Maya was ecstatic for a few hours on halloween to live like any spoiled child should. The belly laugh coming from Maya made it all worthwhile.
So, what’s in store for us?
Maya is getting a bit better day by day. The words, GVHD seems so distant now. No, we are not out of the woods. But we’re not in the thick of it anymore. Memphis is a distant fog, although in January, we’ll be returning for our first annual check up. Comming up to a year since we’ve walked through the doors of Bone Marrow Transplant unit in Memphis Tennessee. It’s just around the corner. We are trying to process all of this.
Bacterial Infections are all well controlled. Maya’s lungs are stable. She can belly laugh. The joy of childrens’ laugh is doubled, trippled with Maya’s laughter. It means she can breath! She is getting a handful of strong antibiotics and they have their own side effects. But we deal with these issues too.
Maya’s hair is getting longer and she’s put on a few pounds. All a good sign for us. In January, Maya will be heading back to school. We can’t wait. Maya misses being at school with all her friends. Thank goodness for Tofu. She spends a lot of time with the dog even though, either Indira or I am home with her all the time. We are lucky that we have the flexibility of working from home on occassions.
Is it really over? The emotions are hard to process.
But, we put these emotions away. These emotions will not rule our lives. We give thanks for our beautiful Maya. We give thanks with Love. We’ve seen enough heartaches both for ourselves and others like us. We won’t give anything more to cancer.